Process is art in itself. The layered multidimensional journey of gestation, from the minutest struggles to huge behemothian battles, the birthing is the art, and this has been the most difficult of all, in the trilogy. Sonata in Z is about finding clemency – and as each day unfolds, I am reminded in the most concrete and gratingly harsh way, that this quest demands a rigorous and even violent gutting of body, mind and soul.
A scientist friend once said this to me, about my intense artistic experience:
You would not be making art if you did not struggle. Easy art has always been junk art. So you’ll just have to fight it out, against the outside world but also against yourself. That’s how it has always been.
Never more poignant than now. It was not easy creating the first two, they were my children as much, but Sonata in Z is by far the most grueling mission. Perhaps, clemency demands a high price from all who seek it? The Holy Grail of existential Beingness…
The battle rages on… I finally have enough material to work on, but I am seriously lacking physical strength, energy and time left to achieve all in my blue print. Incessant, nagging fever, sensory challenges growing more and more difficult to self mitigate, anxiety has reached indescribable levels, but the show must and shall go on! Perhaps, unlike the representation of chaos, which was to me a fleshing out of the demons that inhabit my daily sphere, the search for clemency needs to tarry awhile inside the roaring silence of haplessness? I am slowly perceiving that Clemency is a force unto its own, and one needs to trust this unknown enough to hurl oneself into its abyss, before the Hands of Grace might stretch out and reveal itself. Nevertheless, Grace has bestowed upon me a few tokens that I may touch and feel in my hands, run my fingers along and embrace mentally and spiritually: supportive friends, and of course, Lucy, whose very non-verbal presence is an emanation of micro-Grace.
it won’t be long to go, for this exhibition, but I realise now, that whatever art I have embarked upon does not end with the closing of its physical exhibition. Each and every work has cleaved to a growing macrocosmic entity, weaving itself into an ever richer tapestry of my own Becoming.
2 thoughts on “a peep behind the scenes”
Love what I am seeing….wish I could touch too…..
Wish you could be here in person too! xoxo